Epitafios
Un golpe de ata�d en tierra es algo perfectamente serio, como escribi� Antonio Machado, y eso sirve para aguzar el ingenio. Desde el �Rosa, oh contradicci�n pura, gusto/de no ser sue�o de nadie debajo/de tantos p�rpados� de Rilke hasta el �Perdonen que no me levante� de Groucho Marx, los epitafios se manifiestan como un g�nero literario tan interesante como poco frecuentado.
Truman Capote cuenta en el relato Vueltas Nocturnas que un epitafio de un peque�o cementerio de California revelaba la filosof�a de su ocupante al decir: �Sin comentarios�. A partir de ah�, el literato norteamericano piensa en su propia inscripci�n, Primero se decanta por �Contra mi voluntad�, para decidirse m�s tarde por �Intent� librarme, pero no pude�. El c�lebre �Aqu� yace uno cuyo nombre fue escrito en el agua� del poeta John Keats, muestra una notable precisi�n con respecto a las consecuencias del olvido. Parece que estas frases de rigor (mortis) han de oscilar entre un contenido espiritual o bien humor�stico, y ah� queda el �Perdonen por mi polvo� de Dorothy Parker. Solemnidad y risa, siempre aceptables ant�dotos contra el miedo que produce la muerte.
El epitafio resentido de Di�genes (��chenme a los lobos, ya estoy acostumbrado�), o el nada idealista de Rabeleis (�Por favor, que bajen el tel�n, la farsa ha terminado�) resumen bien la condici�n humana con tan pocas palabras, aunque los mejores quiz� sean aquellos que no est�n elaborados con la voluntad de que destaquen como �obra�. En un cementerio de Salamanca se puede leer: �Con amor de todos tus hijos, menos Ricardo que no dio nada�; y en otro de Guadalajara: �A mi marido, fallecido despu�s de un a�o de matrimonio. Su esposa con profundo agradecimiento� (en �ste puede que cuente mucho la intenci�n del observador).
Hay empresas funerarias que se dedican a ‘fabricar’ epitafios, como anta�o hac�an los poetas por un m�dico sueldo (uno de ellos fue el mism�simo Rub�n Dar�o). El empe�o por dejar unas palabras que nos sobrevivan parece buscar un di�logo constante, en presente, desde la tumba, m�s que un legado fijado en piedra. La fealdad funcional de los modernos nichos y la moda de la incineraci�n y posterior esparcimiento de las cenizas en el mar (cuando lo justo casi siempre ser�a echarlas por el retrete) est�n acabando con esta peque�a manera de buscar la eternidad hasta, claro est�, que el listo de turno haga una p�gina en internet donde dejar la foto del sujeto junto a una frase. Ah�, mientras mi futura y ego�sta prole me maldice por no haberles dejado ni un c�ntimo, colgar� mi retrato junto al lema (ya publicado en este lugar por otros motivos) �Entre ser y no ser me quedo con ser�. Mientras tanto nos quedamos con un epitafio que no est� en ninguna tumba. Se trata de un poema lleno de vida del excelente y casi desconocido paname�o Humberto Ramos Maruba:
RESTITUCI�N
(Epitafio para un adolescente)
Muchacha, desprendido
el hilv�n de tu gracia,
en libertad quedaron
todas las mariposas
y las flores del mundo.
Lime�o wrote:
En findagrave.com tienen fotos de miles de tumbas famosas con sus correspondientes epitafios. Un extra para obtener la inmortalidad digital y para buscar a tu mito muerto.
Posted 17 Ago 2004 at 10:07 pm ¶
l.g. wrote:
En esta direcci�n te puedes hacer tu propio epitafio sobre una l�pida y ver as� qu� te parece. Un sinvivir…
http://www.jjchandler.com/tombstone/
Posted 17 Ago 2004 at 10:15 pm ¶
Seawolf wrote:
Los mejores epitafios:
– �De parte de quien?
– No, no quiero ninguna enciclopedia
– Estoy muerto
– Si vienes a pedirme un favor, me pillas en un mal momento
– Me estoy follando a tus muertos
Posted 17 Ago 2004 at 11:59 pm ¶
Caracart�n wrote:
Algunos que he encontrado:
– «Ya se que fui uno mas, pero me cago en la estad�stica».
– «Estos d�as se me est�n haciendo eternos».
– �A ver, �qu� ten�a L�zaro que yo no tenga?�
– �Ya sab�a yo que esto acabar�a as�.�
– �Vale, ten�a que revisar los frenos.�
Teneis mas en http://www.anarkasis.com/epitafio/lista.htm
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 9:26 am ¶
Alemania wrote:
A mi el que me parece que se deberia repetir m�s veces es aquel de «Gran Profesional, Mejor Persona»
En general los mejores epitafios los he encontrado siempre en los cementerios de los videojuegos, Monkey Island 2 es un buen ejemplo («Era un tio grande, esperamos que la tierra sea capaz de sostenerlo mejor de lo que lo sostuvo el barco»). Muy buenos los tuyos, Alfredo.
Un saludo
Alemania
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 10:37 am ¶
Aletheia wrote:
«Mano a mano hemos quedado» ser� el m�o.
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 11:26 am ¶
Y��ez Montenegro wrote:
Huys, en el cementerio de Torrero en zaragoza hay tumbas que mueven a la risa. hay una muy buena que pone: «A fulano de tal, buen marido, buen padre y mal electricista» u otra que pone: «tus compa�eros de mus no te olvidan», en la m�a me gustar�a que pusieran: «aqu� dej� de fumar»
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 1:11 pm ¶
Jorge wrote:
No he decidido cu�l ser� el m�o, pero no me disgusta el del Marqu�s de Sade:
– Si no viv� m�s fue porque no me dio tiempo.
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 1:58 pm ¶
lukera wrote:
En «atando cabos», de Annie Proulx (otra magn�fica novela que he leido estas vacaciones), la t�a del protagonista hace exactamente lo que propone Alfredo: tira a la letrina las cenizas de su hermano (padre del prota).
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 2:53 pm ¶
qaz wrote:
«Ya no tose»
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 3:32 pm ¶
Strepto wrote:
Yo escoger�a entre los siguientes epitafios:
«Dios es eterno…lo s� por que todav�a no ha llegado».
«Amigo Testigo de Jehova, abstengase de venderme Atalayas, yo tengo contactos con su jefe».
«Los jodidos son ustedes».
«Querida Esposa, siempre tendr�s un espacio a mi lado».
«Me duele todo el cuerpo».
«La inactividad mata».
«Del Ministerio a la Tumba y ���casi ni me di cuenta!!!».
«Se�ora, c�brase, ��por pudor!!, le veo hasta el alma».
«Nunca m�s me embrollo con la mujer de un Guardia Civil».
«No siempre quiero tener la �ltima palabra. He dicho».
«No me fui, me trajeron».
«No insistas, no voy a dejar el tabaco».
«Se�or Aznar, me han comisionado para recibirle»
«�A qu� hora empieza la pel�cula?»
Y otras m�s que quiz� ponga luego
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«Si cree que aqu� se est� muy bien, le cedo mi lugar»
«No, si no est� mal, �a quien no le gusta que los gusanos se traguen su carne?»
«�Ya habr� ganado Espa�a alg�n Mundial?»
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 7:38 pm ¶
Strepto wrote:
El �ltimo, producto de la iluminaci�n repentina:
«�Qui�n quiere irse al Caribe cu�ndo aqu� se est� tan calentito?»
Posted 18 Ago 2004 at 10:23 pm ¶
Alfredo MG wrote:
Me han soplado uno m�s: «A mis pies».
Posted 19 Ago 2004 at 9:55 am ¶
Camarada Bakunin wrote:
Al vuelo:
‘La tumba es fr�a. Aparta del sol, por favor’.
‘Aqu� tambi�n es dif�cil encontrar un fontanero en domingo’.
‘No digas que lo sientes, yo no lo hago’.
‘La pr�xima vez traeme tabaco, porfa’.
‘Ma�ana dejo de fumar’.
‘Sigo sin saber si era el cable rojo o el verde’.
‘Esto puede llegar a aburrir…’.
‘Un d�a de estos me ponen la ADSL’.
Posted 19 Ago 2004 at 11:19 am ¶
l.g. wrote:
«No s� si estoy preparado para esto»
«No pongas esa cara; a m� tampoco me gusta todo esto»
Posted 19 Ago 2004 at 12:12 pm ¶
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Vuelvo al cine mudo
Posted 19 Ago 2004 at 1:59 pm ¶
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…hay algo mas asqueroso que ir a devolver la peli? A mi me tiene «amargao»
Posted 19 Ago 2004 at 6:49 pm ¶
VA wrote:
�Raiz cuadrada de 1011, pensando en 3 o en 4 dimensiones?
Posted 20 Ago 2004 at 4:16 am ¶
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Alto indice de genialidad, no recomendado para muertos.
Posted 20 Ago 2004 at 4:24 pm ¶
Pedrito wrote:
O el que Tom Waits ha dicho que pongan en su tumba: «Os dije que era grave»
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